Let's Talk About Waxing

So in anticipation of actually entering the dating world at some point in the not too distant future, I decided it would be a good time to try out the good ol' waxing of the lady bits!  I've always kept things trimmed and shaven, but it gets so tiresome shaving and having the 5 o'clock shadow the very next day.  I've contemplated going to an actual salon to get my va-jay-jay waxed by a professional, but the thought of going to the same people who do my hair just wasn't something that sounded like a good time to me.  Although waxing in general is not a good time in any sense of the word I suppose.  I also thought about finding a different salon to go to just for this purpose, but to be honest, I live in rural Iowa people and it's going to take me driving over 30 miles just to have nice, smooth lady parts.  It's really not too terribly far, but to find the time without kids as well as the money to do it just isn't something that has been a top priority.

I've had a do-it-yourself wax kit in my cupboard so I thought that maybe this is something I could just do myself and save me a little embarrassment of having someone else up in my business and save money while I'm at it.  The only problem is finding time to actually do it.  I swear the sound of me just closing the bathroom door sends my kids into anxiety overload as they come rushing to find out what on Earth their mother might be possibly doing in the bathroom all by herself.  Today I am home with a sick child and the other one just so happens to be at school.  My daughter has spent most of the day sleeping so I figure this is a good opportunity to give this self waxing thing a try.  

I break out the kit, get everything ready, follow the instructions and start the process of waxing!  All good, right?  Hell no!  First of all there is wax everywhere and I mean everywhere!  No matter how much I twirl that dam stick to catch any excess wax, it still manages to drip all over my freaking tub.  I manage to get it on the area to be waxed.  You are supposed to apply the wax in the same direction as the hair grows, apply the strip, pressing it down and then removing it in the opposite direction of hair growth.  So it looks like the hair is growing downward - wax applied going downward.  Strip placed and pressed, and pulled off in an upward motion!  Didn't hurt quite as bad as I expected, but it didn't take near as much of the hair as I thought it would.  So I repeat, this time taking a little extra skin with it and still not all of the hair.  And now there is wax all over my leg!

Then I question whether I determined the right direction of hair growth correctly, so I switch directions for the next spot.  Well that worked a little bit better, but there was still so much hair left and the wax is just getting out of control at this point.  Then I hear my daughter, I want milk Mom!  So she is awake, I have a mess beyond messes, and only one small area that actually looks like it was waxed.  What the ever living hell was I thinking!  This entire process already took me about 30 minutes and the mess certainly is not worth the end result.  I throw the entire kit away, because I will not be doing that myself ever again, break out the baby oil to attempt to clean some of the wax off of my lady parts, my legs and my hands.  How in the world am I going to get it off of my tub?!  Probably lots of scraping along the way and lots of patience!  

And now after a few days of letting myself recover from this traumatic event, I am going to look into better options for hair removal down there even if it means going to some stranger to get it waxed professionally!  Wish me luck in this new venture ladies, I clearly don't have a freaking clue!