Drunken Sailor Mom

I never knew how much three little words from a complete stranger could tear me down until this week!  It has been such an emotional roller coaster of a month and I have experienced every single emotion from the highest to the lowest.  It is so hard to continue to be a good person only to get shit on by every single person you trust your inner self with.  At the end of the day, I know how wonderful I am and how any person would be so very lucky to get to know that about me.  In the end though, those feelings of self doubt still creep into the cracks and make me question whether I really am as wonderful as I think I am.  It's a learning experience for sure and I guess the best thing about this entire experience is finding myself through writing again!  While this has been a struggle, I certainly won't give up.  As much as I want to curl up in a cocoon and never talk to another man ever again, I also feel I am on the verge of finding something so very great.  I have grown so much

So I inadvertently got a little closure regarding my recent dating escapade.  I had the most fantastic weekend resting and self reflecting.  My Sunday was filled with so much self love, as well as love for others and I couldn't have asked for a more amazing day.  I could literally feel God's love all around me. I started to notice that red bearded farmer was still very actively viewing my snap chat stories.  I know you really shouldn't read too much into such things, but it started to aggravate me a little that he should even have the pleasure of seeing my life in any way, shape or form.  Also, it's confusing as fuck that he is literally one of the first people to view said stories if he wants nothing to do with me. I decided to draft out a snapchat to him with absolutely no intention of ever sending it.  I basically started off that I just wanted to get a few things off of my chest and how this thing started with a little fun messaging with the expectation that thi

So I've really put the most mortifying experience in my entire life out there for the world to see, but you know what?  I really think this experience was everything this chick needed.  It took me down so many notches for a hot minute, but I kind of think it brought me back even fucking stronger than before!  It reminded me that I have the most amazing support system ever!  Fucking Ever!!!  You always read about how women should lift each other up and support each other - I have never in my entire life relied on anyone else.  I bottle everything up, yet wear it on my sleeve with no explanation ever or insight into what in the world is bugging me.  The women closest to me know that, they give me my space!  They love me, they worry about me and they are always there when I need them the most.  They uplift me in so many ways and I am so very thankful for that. I spent some time meditating and reflecting.  I dressed up and took my little sister out for dinner!  I wore my hair down, k

Reading back through my first experience with on-line dating is so fucking painful!  Not because of the experience, but because of how I allowed it to make me feel and how desperate and crazy it literally made me!  Wow, just wow!  So here is what I learned from this experience: 1.) I am not Booty Call material!  While I seriously just want a nice romping in the sack, I clearly let my emotions take over way too soon.  I cannot believe that I got so freaking crazy over the slightest attention from a man.  Seriously need to put that in check real fast!!  2.) Do not focus on chatting up one person, play the field - what is the harm? 3.) If he isn't asking you questions about your hobbies or things you would like to do, he is probably looking for a hook-up only! 4.) Do not, I repeat do not, send dirty messages or sexy photos until you know that you are both on the same page about what it is that is taking place, whether it is just a booty call or not! 5.)  Lower your damn expe

Red bearded farmer canceled our booty call and I can’t say that I blame him one fucking bit.   I was acting so desperate and it is so embarrassing to think about, all along knowing I was sabotaging this.   I felt so relieved when he canceled but I am also going through the emotions of rejection, yet again!   I know how beautiful, strong, kind and confident I am!   I am so fucking smart and I take care of my shit!   I swear like a sailor and my patience certainly has never been great, but I have so much to offer someone willing to get to know me. I was so damn distracted that I spaced off a meeting today at work, so that’s why I pushed because this feeling isn’t right, this isn’t how a true love connection or even a booty call is supposed to make you feel.   I gave him way too much way too soon and ended up letting it hurt me – all before we even had a chance to meet in person, WTF was I even thinking!!!   I had so much anxiety over this situation and I let it affect so much and

I started this whole online dating thing since I was basically a serious Bitch in Heat (BIH) over the past several weeks.   The vibrator and erotica novels are sounding more and more comforting as every day passes at this point!   Not because of the lack of interest, but the now nonchalant interest of a person I’ve been chatting with that started out hot and heavy , reciting in part experience with the added detail from said erotica novels, allowing me to fully describe what it is I need! I am not a woman who sleeps around but rather needs a man to sleep with who could be interested in my needs!   We started off conversing like we were getting to know each other.   His profile already told me he liked a dirty minded woman and I prematurely sent him a very serious desire of mine, thinking all was fun and if we could do a quick hook-up I can get back to my life.   But here’s what actually happened, he’s a working man and very busy especially now!   I’m a mother and can only make