First Experience With On-line Dating

Awhile back I decided to join Plenty of Fish and quickly decided I wasn’t ready for that at all, I think right around the time I tried to message a guy, putting myself out there for the first time ever.  I am a very sexual woman and think that random hook ups might just be ok at this stage in life.  I am actually pretty happy being single, but I really do crave a man’s touch.  I recently started reading erotica novels and was pretty darn close to buying myself a vibrator, but then I’m like hey! – let’s try this dating app thing again.  What’s the harm in a grown woman finding a hook up?!

Well the problem is, grown women overthink way too fucking much!!!!!  Plus we are fucking crazy!  We don’t want relationships, we want sex, but then try to turn a sex hookup into a fucking relationship lol.

So here’s how my next experience went with the dating app.  I joined POF again, which was malfunctioning and kept booting my profile off.  The short time I was on there, my inbox was filled with heys and how are you beautiful, um huh!  I was looking at the guys nearest me and noticed a red bearded farmer because he was looking for a dirty minded girl, attention caught!  After about the 3^rd profile getting deleted, I decided to try Bumble and found I really liked this app. You could set your settings for specific distance and age and you’d start seeing one profile at a time, swipe left for no and right for yes.  If they also swiped right, the woman could initiate the conversation not the man.  Which is great, no weird rando inboxes.  I find a couple of guys that I swipe right for.  I then notice that the guys who swipe right for you are in the message area.  I scrolled through them for a while and found a couple to chat with, and then I notice the red bearded farmer and this profile was a little more blunt than POF and so I immediately swipe right and send him a message that I noticed him on the other app too.  I kind of had the vibe that he would be extremely cocky.  I also messaged another guy and started chatting (I think prior to this guy).  It was the typical what do you do, kids, etc.  He sends me his number to chat further if I wanted and was like nah, he had nice abs but didn’t really get much from our conversation.  There were a couple others that also didn’t go very far.  But red bearded farmer immediately responded and was in the middle of harvest.  Given his age and location, and his cute smile, he seemed familiar and it dawned on me that I knew him from grade school.  I found him on Facebook which was a completely different picture of a person than his dating app, which intrigued me even more.  Was he a shy guy with a dirty mind, similar to yours truly, or was he more like his dating profile?!  After a few chats, I threw out there that I read erotica novels and things were fringing on the verge of dirty but still clean.  We alternated turns on initiating chats the next day.  I took a hot bath and send a pic to red bearded farmer, while also conversing with a few other guys.  One really was fun to talk to until he tried to get me to meet him in some dive bar a little way from home.  He was very upfront and clear on what he wanted, which was just to fuck.  I’m like, well maybe!  I may have been drinking and I sure as hell wasn’t going to go meet him that night but he quickly lost interest when I wasn’t immediately responsive to him.  

Meanwhile, red bearded farmer guy messages me after I go to bed and by morning I sent him a very graphic message on what I would like to do!  He messaged back a very graphic description on what he also wanted to do to me and I was caught hook, line and sinker!  I deleted all other matches because he was my hook-up! Familiar, cute, seemed nice and safe (and dirty minded like me)! We talk a little about actually meeting so I spend that entire day on Cloud Fucking 9, I go buy new underwear, he initiates conversation and we talk a little about farming.  Interesting enough, I was just thinking how I’d really like to date a farmer prior to this – so then my stupid woman brain kicked in and the wheels started turning… We continued to chat and I stupidly enough mentioned him to my friends, because my woman brain already had this magical meant to be connection formed.  This is where I need a hand-face slapping emoji. We continue random chats throughout the weekend, and I have Monday off.  I spend the day with my friends who decide we need to do a drive by, because once again I have this built up connection in my mind, and they of course are curious. (And I’ve already done my research and know I know way more about him then he knows about me)  I decide I’m not entirely sure, and start another convo with a guy that also didn’t go far, but ultimately message red bearded farmer to pin down a day for us to meet.  Friday it is, another dirty conversation and more get to know you messages (me asking several questions and initiating most of the chats – which have now moved to snapchat) throughout the week, and I keep building these stupid fucking expectations of how our date is going to go and how he probably is a lot shyer than he leads on.  Again hand-face emoji!

In the back of my mind I really think this is just a hookup so I back off on my messaging, and then I get a message from him asking me what I was doing.  We chat a little back and forth and confess that I know him from school and that I am enjoying talking to him, which he responds back with that I am fun to talk to also.  Hook, line and sinker again bitches!!!!  So Thursday, I am in fucking “love” with someone I have never even met, hand-face emoji times ten!!!! But he’s not very responsive to me for the 1^st time during this “courtship” so I get drunk and send him a message trying to make him feel “comfortable” because I think I’m making him nervous because he’s shy right?!!!!  Hand-face emoji again.  And I get my fucking period a week fucking early and I am devastated because I had this whole date built up, had some other shitty things in my personal life happen, and sent him this drunk message about how I’m not really a booty call type of girl trying to feel out if I should still go on said date while on my period.  I get a, I’m just interested in sex and not trying to lead you on!! Maybe we shouldn't do this.  And the ugly, crocodile tears ensue!!!  But for what fucking reason I do not know other than the expectations I built in my head.  He tells me that he hopes I don’t think he is an asshole, and I tell him I don’t.  His response is ok, I am glad.  Most guys would have completely ghosted a chick at this point in time, he saw my almost most crazy, but he’s still worried that I think he is an asshole.  I take a minute and respond that I am sorry that I read too much into it and I am happy he was honest with me, but I’d still very much like to have sex with him and promised not to be so weird next time we tried to meet.  He responded that I had nothing to be sorry for, all was good.

I ugly cried for a majority of the day, but why the fuck why!!!  He was still talking to me and realistically I don’t want a relationship either!!! I chat with several other guys throughout the day and ended up being a blunt asshole with one guy, which kind of made me feel better.  But at the end of it, I realized that all I was looking for was a hookup myself and of all the guys I could potentially hook up with, red bearded farmer was going to be the guy to teach me the ropes on hookups.  So I dirty message him again and all is well with the world.  Stay tuned to see if we actually hook up and pray I don’t freak myself out again.